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[19 Apr 2008|08:20pm]
today has been wonderful. i've pretty much cleaned the entire room aside from doing the dishes, and i got laundry done.. then i went to the square with cole and sipped iced coffee while talking about a whole bunch of nothing, enjoying the weather, and poking fun at the ridiculous high schoolers that were hanging out on the courthouse steps. denton may be lacking in the sweet parks area, but huntington is certainly lacking in the sweet town square area. now i have a caffeine buzz, kind of, and i might go on a bike ride or (do the right thing and) try to get more of my history book about the history of women in the work force out of the way. it is finally warming up down here and feeling like normal april weather. i couldn't be happier, presently. (:

[08 Apr 2008|01:14am]
this evening i am very sad and homesick and with very little reason. i am not incredibly stressed right now, though looking at my schedule for this week and the upcoming 4 weeks kind of makes me want to vom. i think maybe a big part of it is that my grandfather was very recently diagnosed with stomach cancer and is having his entire stomach removed tomorrow. they say everything will hopefully be completely fine after that and that he is in good condition for the surgery.. but i know my grandfather, and he is old, and he has aged very noticeably in the past and recent years. i am more worried for my grandmother and my dad almost, though. if something happened right now, i am not sure what i would do, so i am trying to remain as optimistic as i am being told this situation is.. but it is difficult. more and more i just feel like this place will never feel like home to me, and yet i called it that a few times while i was home. life in general is just kind of confusing right now. i mean, i don't really pray directly or anything anymore because i don't really know how i feel about that, but maybe if you know me well enough (or if you don't and you're just that nice) keep my grandfather and my family in your positive thoughts.. they say that kind of thing really helps, and i think i believe that.

for an update, my fish seems to be doing well. i am currently attempting to get him a bigger aquarium with some kind of filter.. but we'll see. i'm trying to find something on craigslist for cheap because i don't have that much money. i think i've named him Cal (short for Calico).. heh. thanks for the responses earlier; they were very amusing, but i just didn't think any of them fit. (: i hope he stays healthy; i could really use the company right now.

my fish needs a name! [04 Apr 2008|06:32pm]

my fish
Originally uploaded by t1ff4ny21
my school had this thing called "university day" today, and there was this kind of student activities' mall thing at lunchtime with free lunch and the latin jazz ensemble playing. pretty cool. however, i walk past this one table, and these frat guys are handing out FISH. live goldfish in bags. not cool. so, i'm like, i will take one of these and try to rescue it from the perils of someone else forgetting that taking a fish means buying fish things and therefore flushing it down the toilet. apparently, you were supposed to answer questions to get one (trivia about unt). i'm glad i just walked off with it. so, i bought it a bowl, sweet neon gravel, drinking water, and food. now he is my companion.

though i decided when i first picked him up that he was a male fish, i can't think of a name that i like just yet. so, i am asking for help/holding a naming competition. if you can't tell from the picture, he has black on his nose/back, so maybe something clever about that would be good? i don't know. i'll do something cool for you or give you something if you come up with a name that i like, so suggest something! (:
3 commentcomments reply

[20 Mar 2008|10:41pm]
[ mood | i bet you can guess.. ]

a pictorial surveyCollapse )


so much past inside my present [14 Mar 2008|01:16am]
if spring break were not starting tomorrow, i would probably just off myself now. even though i never practice clarinet, and i am still incredibly sick of it. my lesson tomorrow is going to suck, and i don't really care at all. uhgh. get me out of this semester.

it is completely unlikely for me to want to drop out of school, and i would never really do it.. but i seriously just want to pack up and move back home or somewhere else most days. i'm burnt out on school or texas or being so far from my close friends and family.. or something else, but i am just sick of the things i am doing.

i had 8 exams, 2 lessons, and 2 projects due.. all this week. how did my head not explode?

recent news..

1. it snowed. in texas. in march. 7-9". INSANE.. but it was so much fun!!

2. i will be the vice president of membership for Sigma Alpha Iota (my music service fraternity for women.. sorority is a made-up word/concept.), which i am very excited about.

3. next monday, tuesday, and wednesday i am going canoing/camping. sweeeet.

okay, so i was sitting in physics on wednesday taking the midterm, and two rows in front of me in this auditorium thing we have class in (called the lyceum here), a guy starts having a seizure. it was one of the scariest things i have ever seen. it just lasted a few minutes, but it felt like forever. the professor came up, and i gave him my phone to call 911. the guy kind of came to or whatever.. and he was kind of talking to the paramedics and whatnot.. but his seemed really disoriented. i remember hearing the paramedic as him if he knew why or how that could have happened, and he just kind of nonchalantly said that he didn't. he almost seemed like he was on something, and for some reason they let him walk out (i guess they knew what they were doing?), and he was stumbling. does anyone know if this is normal? i just hope he's fine, and i also hope i never see anything like that again. terrifying.. :\

i saw Islands last night again here in denton. their new stuff is.. well, some of it's really good, but it's all pretty different. i hope some of it sounds way different on the album. um, patrick is sexier than normal still. i was not totally sober, so i was dancing a lot more and had a wonderful time. that's about it.

and finally.. i think i have a crush on a guy who is gay. i don't know if he's gay. LAME.

"you are so sexy with your lays potato chips" wtf does that mean?? my friend cameron is crazy..
OHHH AHHAHAH. i just figured it out.. nevermind. there is a picture of me on facebook with a bag a chips pretending to pour them into my mouth. umm, don't ask. btw, if any of us are not facebook friends, you should add me.
2 commentcomments reply

time is an ocean, but it ends at the shore. [03 Mar 2008|08:09pm]
it is kind of snowing! i can see snow on the ground outside my window, anyway, and it is sleeting/snowing. school tomorrow i could give or take, but seeing snow in texas always puts me in a good mood for some reason. home has gotten so much snow this year that i feel it is about time we get some. certainly wouldn't mind not having symphonic band tomorrow, though..

this week is going to be all right. next week, however, i have 3 huge tests/midterms on wednesday and another on thursday at 8am. lame. thursday morning is going to be rough anyway because Islands are playing here in denton, and i am certainly going. bah! so it goes.

how is everyone?

[28 Feb 2008|12:41pm]
[ mood | content ]

my breakfast bowl of special k with red berries had very few berries in it this morning, but i decided to eat it for lunch too (because it is amazing), and this bowl has about a million berries in it. win!

the weather is wonderful, and my mood is much improved.

2 commentcomments reply

[21 Feb 2008|06:06pm]
i took the entire day off wednesday and slept in, did laundry, etc. i haven't done that in years, i think. well.. except i went to a meeting at 7pm and practiced, but we all know i couldn't really take a whole day off. heh. anyway, it was productive. i think my health is coming back. hopefully it will be fully restored soon.

so, last weekend at TMEA, i did not get the position of president-elect for CTMEC. i know those are a bunch of acronyms none of you know or care about, but it was basically the top-notch position for music education students in texas. i came very close to getting it.. around 10 votes or something decided it (out of about 250). that was a little disheartening, but i've decided that it is like one door closing while 10 more open. i am definitely heading back to michigan this summer now; i have a phone interview for blue lake on monday. (: it would be an interview for the unit director position, but i have to be in texas for one day of the training for the radiohead show, so i don't think they will let me do it. oh well.. so it goes. i can't decide if i would rather be a unit counselor or a cabin counselor. UCs get paid more, but i really liked having my own cabin last semester. we'll see. i'm also running for VP of Membership for my fraternity (Sigma Alpha Iota, which is a music service fraternity for women..) and President of NTSME, which is my school's music ed organization. next fall will probably be just as busy as every other semester is for me, and i'm considering dropping down to 16 hours or less so i don't lose my mind. luckily, i won't have marching band. yesssss.

well, that was boring, now wasn't it?

time to go practice voice and keyboard before my sister night business.. and then on to practicing clarinet. at least the weekend is almost here.

where is the line? [18 Feb 2008|09:56pm]
after spending the first three to four weeks of school sick, i think i am now getting sick again. i'm taking vitamins, sleeping, washing my hands, drinking airbourne, and i'm trying to get my humidifier to work.. if i get sick for another four weeks i might just give up. i just want to sleep until may 18th, wake up, go see radiohead, go home, and go to blue lake. someone.. help. i am in dire need of inspiration, health, and motivation. my voice teacher is going to punch me in the throat this week for not practicing.. oh well. i'm temporarily giving up in hopes of getting a good nights' sleep tonight.
6 commentcomments reply

floor collapsing, falling [17 Feb 2008|03:57am]
[ mood | need-y. ]

i made best friends with the karma police today, and they hooked me up with two lovely tickets to the radiohead show at around noon. needless to say, this made me the happiest girl alive for a while, and that's somewhat of an understatement. heheh. (:

decided to drive back from TMEA early today because i just needed the time alone and everything after the past two weeks, and it was a pleasant 5 hour drive. i made good time and got back to denton feeling very good. tomorrow i have little to do but practice and sleep, and the day will probably consist of more sleeping than practicing, but that is fine. this week also looks relatively less busy, which will be nice. naps, oh, how i have missed you!

5 commentcomments reply

[14 Feb 2008|10:12am]
[ mood | exhausted. ]

almost every year i have found some kind of distaste for this day of love.. and that reason is now assholes that leak ticket sale times, and people who scalp the tickets, and my brain for making me believe i actually had a chance.

now i am picking up the pieces of my shattered radiohead world and trying to move on for both myself and saturday. wish me lucks.

2 commentcomments reply

WASTEing time.. [14 Feb 2008|04:38am]
[ mood | slipping.. ]

it is past 4:30. that is past 10:30 gmt.
i have been doing this for almost 12 hours.
i am writing this between refreshes.


going, going, going.. [08 Feb 2008|01:44am]
[ mood | tired. ]

ohmygoodness! does anyone else feel like this has been the longest week? like it has just lasted for what feels like an eternity at this point? i have been going non-stop for days and days straight now. tomorrow i have a clarinet lesson at 9am, acoustical physics exam at 10am, class at 11am, keyboard proficiency on all major and minor scales at noon, clarinet studio at 1pm, a meeting at 2:30pm, and rep orchestra rehearsal from 4:15-6:15pm. it is possible that i will die. my friend pat is also flying in to dfw from home tomorrow because he's auditioning here at north texas for grad jazz studies.. i found out just a couple days ago, and i think he's staying here. that's all cool, but i have to find time to clean if i can. (that's pat billups for those of you back home.)



my head to the sky; my feet on the ground.. [02 Feb 2008|04:27pm]
[ mood | productive. ]

so, i just got back from the rec. finally got to go this semester now that i'm healthy and have some free time again. (: and who did i happen to see on my way over? reid. and where did he happen to be going as well? the rec center. so, we got to catch up a bit, which is always nice. hopefully we will see each other more than once this semester. good things, and i also feel much better about the day now that i got to go out and enjoy it a bit. the weather is simply wonderful here today.. perfect, possibly, aside from the fact that the sun is still setting early. this is the texas weather i moved south for. haha.

today Austin City Limits tickets went back on sale, and i got in touch with Danika (who is in Ireland for the semester) about them. she confirmed that we will go and have a much more amazing time than last year, so i just dropped the $300 for those a few minutes ago, part of which she will pay me back at some point in the fall probably. thank you, UNT, for paying for everything i want once again. hahha. the lineup will be out in early may probably.. it came out the day i moved out of Clark Hall last year. radiohead is already rumored to be coming, but i'm not getting my hopes up. i'm still just going to buy tickets for dallas or somewhere in the east (depending on the dates) whenever they announce those.. probably.

aaaand.. now i'm going to go be productive and.. clean or something. maybe practice scales for keyboard. maybe both.

oh, and one more thing on the musical front.. i read yesterday that Islands are coming back to hailey's here in denton again this spring!! perhaps we will hang out on their tour bus again.. heheh. (:


2008, it's our one month anniversary.. [01 Feb 2008|10:14pm]
[ mood | bored ]

every year i have these wonderfully high hopes for how it's going to go, but i'm beginning to think my life is never really going to be that much more exceptional just because of the year. when 2006 was rolling around a couple years ago, i remember a conversation i had with someone, and we were both convincing ourselves 2006 was going to be a great year. it was just another year, though. i've just been reflecting a lot on things the past couple days, and these are my pointless thoughts for the moment.

cat power is wonderful. can't get enough.

my music ed discussion for the week involves me reflecting on a time when i was in gradeschool and made some kind of rash decision or had some kind of typical adolescent reaction to some situation.. i have to compare the way i behaved then to how i would now, as an adult. only.. i'm not so sure i'm an adult yet. surely i'm more grown up than i was years ago, but i'm not so sure i've gotten out of the part of my life i will look back on later and say, "wow, that was ridiculous. i would never do that now."

maybe i should try to find something to pour some love into. maybe that would bring me out of this nostalgic slump i've been in the past few weeks. or.. maybe i should drop out and go home. (that's laughable.)


who the hell can see forever? [22 Jan 2008|06:46pm]
celebrity deaths just do not depress me in the least. i'm not saying i'm glad this guy died, but.. i mean.. come on, people.
still miss home.
still miss friends who are gone, whether more permanently or more temporarily..
i'm tired today from spending too much time last night on an assignment i had no idea how to approach.
symphonic band was great today, but i still feel apathetic about clarinet too often.
uh. i just remembered i need to practice keyboard.
felt ill all morning. no good..
rush events all week.. and i think i'm going to lose my mind.
this entry is completely pointless. i only write in this journal when i'm feeling down these days. hm.
1 commentcomments reply

[17 Jan 2008|11:46pm]
i want to go back to home (wv).. already.
2 commentcomments reply

wompwompwomp. [16 Jan 2008|10:59pm]
i'm sad. i don't know why. this happened in the past.. i don't know.. 5 minutes?

uh, i was kind of motivated for school.
that lasted until i woke up monday morning sick with some crap again. lame.
i feel unorganized even though things are mostly in order.. don't get it.

i'm not depressed or anything, but i've been in a weird funk for what feels like forever now. maybe it's just winter?? or maybe i'm just in a weird funk right now and its making me feel like i've been feeling like this forever.. ?? umm.

i need to go thrifting tomorrow. desperately.
i need a damn humidifier. FO' FREE! (..or cheap)

not sad anymore. i think.
1 commentcomments reply

i guess you're as real as me; maybe i can live with that. [29 Dec 2007|02:55pm]
[ mood | content ]

"home is still home, and i am currently in the phase of being home where it's nice relaxing and seeing lots of people i haven't seen much in a long while. i haven't been sleeping too much, which is good, and i hope that continues. it's been nice being here. i feel like i'm finally letting go of some harbored emotions that i just couldn't part with when i was so far away from here."

that was on autosave and restored itself when i opened this page. i guess i wrote that sometime last week because i have scarcely been on the internets this week.

and yes, so, home is still home. i've been having just a great time, really. seeing people and essentially doing nothing, but i've certainly not been sleeping too much or bumming around my family's houses bored out of my mind. plans keep on popping up, which is so nice. i always end up seeing certain people more than others when i come home, and it's usually not planned at all and kind of a surprise. funny. i like it.

the weather today is just wonderful. i wish it were going to be daylight longer so i could walk over to the cemetery when i come back from dinner with dad's practically-like-family friends. oh well. yesterday's weather was bleak and rainy. so, the weather likes to reflect my moods or something, maybe.

a new year is coming up. (in case you didn't know.) new year's day is probably my favorite holiday. 2007 hasn't been particularly terrible for me on the whole when i consider everything good that has happened this year, but the more specific bad part(s) are the worst of any year i've been through thus far, probably. i was pessimistic about 2008 for some reason until very recently, but i feel a lot better about it now.


[13 Dec 2007|02:57pm]
[ mood | okay ]

some people really just don't know how to take a hint and leave things alone when they're already bad enough. i swear.. uhgh. luckily, this random, vague comment has little to nothing to do with me. oh well.

so, finals are over as of this morning. i am nervous about my grades, but i am trying to tell myself it doesn't matter. it's just been such a rough semester; i am afraid my gpa may finally drop. oh well. life can't be perfect all the time, i guess. (or ever?) i am still expecting straight A's, but i have this stupid little nagging feeling it won't happen. as much as i tell myself right now that that is fine (because it really is), i know i will still be a little disappointed if/when my grades are posted. college is shenanigans.

i also got my headlight replaced.
and i re-potted my lovely marigold, which i am worried may be on its last limb. however, it has lived this long and bloomed twice. pretty good for a lame $1 target grow kit i started in june.

i have to go wrap some gifts now (in my non-existent wrapping paper :\) because tonight is gift exchange with my normal (house) friends. however, today is also Fishertown Christmas Village (this silly train/decoration thing my symphonic band director does every year) and my dinner at Dr. Emmanuel's for the class who went to Hungary. so.. i may be late to gift exchange.. which really makes me sad.

packing and cleaning and defrosting our fridge also has to be done..
and i better get real drunk tonight because finals are FINALLY over.

i don't know why i'm not happier now that things are finished school-wise. it kind of worries me. i hope the whole break isn't stressful. maybe it's just because i still feel like i have so much to do..

december 16th--this sunday. i'll be home.


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